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I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us! 

Home for the Holigays: Inviting Your Boo to the Family Dinner

Home for the Holigays: Inviting Your Boo to the Family Dinner

The Holidays are a notoriously awkward time for couples new and old. If you are out to your family and in a long-term relationship, you have to decide whose house you and your partner will be going to (or decide if you’ll host Thanksgiving dinner at your place). If you’re in the closet or uncertain of how your family will receive your partner, you may be obsessing over your families reaction and wishing to get it over with. On the other side of things if you’ve been hoeing lately, your family is going to wonder why the hell you always have someone new at the table every year. 

As a romantic connection grows with someone, we tend to place family and friend introductions as a threshold for solidifying the status of the relationship. Things could be going great and strong with a new boo and suddenly the question, “Do your parents know about me?” can make the other person question their role in your life.

In my personal experience, I decided to take my ex-girlfriend home to my grandmother’s house out of pity. I still think to myself “Why didn’t I encourage her to hang with some friends that day?” She was unable to travel out of state to visit her family since she worked retail and Black Friday was a mandatory “no call out” zone. She asked if she could come with me to my grandmother’s house so she wouldn’t have to spend Thanksgiving alone.

My mom, brother and cousins would be attending, but I was only out to my mother and brother— not my grandparents. I felt guilty and couldn’t think of a reason to be honest and tell my girlfriend I was uncomfortable having her over. So she came. My great uncle thought my ex was a guy because she was so into the NFL game he was watching. He asked her “Did you play football in college big fella?” My family awkwardly looked around and my grandma yelled out, “She’s a she!” Yeah. It was as terrible as it sounds!

When deciding on if you’ll bring your new boo or significant other home for the holidays, ask yourself a few things before you make the decision:

Do I really want to bring them home?

If this question gives you pause, you’re probably already leaning towards NO. Ask yourself was this decision (1) influenced by friends, (2) pressured by your partner or (3) beat into your head by societal pressures to have a date during the holidays? If the answer is YES to any of the aforementioned you need to do some soul searching beloved! Weighing out pros and cons is one thing, but inviting someone when it wasn’t your personal decision will eat at you before you can eat the turkey. 

 Photo still from  Master of None.  Episode “Thanksgiving”.

Photo still from Master of None. Episode “Thanksgiving”.

Is it too ‘early’ in our relationship for this?

Everyone’s standard for what’s too early is not the same, but it’s worth talking about with your significant other. Some people do not mind introducing their new boo to their family early into the relationship but do it in a more casual setting. Yet bringing someone new into your family’s den can open up Pandora’s box. Awkward stories you hadn’t gotten to unveil may come up, a tipsy family member may bring up your ex, and for same sex couples you may just spend a lot of time pretending to be friends and not touch too much or sit too closely. Is it too early for this intense uncomfortable air? If you traditionally move at a slower pace in relationships before making things official, bringing someone home for the Holidays could disrupt the natural flow of getting closer. Some people confuse familial introductions with the notion of marriage and starting a family. If that wasn’t your plan, you might be in for the most awkward car ride home.

 via GIPHY

via GIPHY

Is my crazy family going to scare them off?

Not to totally reeeead my family members but they are not for everyone. My mom is a pretty intimidating entrepreneur and definitely has a history of making people a bit nervous. My grandfather will only speak to you if you know sports inside and out. My brother is a Marvel nerd and will talk your ear off about what it’s like being a chef, and I clearly have an uncle that can’t tell a girl is a girl despite her huge boobs. So, think wisely before your family and their crazy antics and idea of humor ruins the way your boo thinks of you! 

 via GIPHY

via GIPHY

Whatever you decide to do, enjoy the holigays and have a great time with loved ones, family and friends!


Have a Holiday story with your boo that you’d like to share? Drop a comment below!

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