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Hey Girl Hey! 

I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us! 

7 Awkward Moments Queer Women Encounter

 

1) When a Guy Tries Dancing with You in the Club

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You know the ones, that try to be sly and sneak up from behind while your dancing with your girl (or by yourself)? Yeah, not interested. Not ever. This is why it's hard to convince us to go to straight clubs. And to the straight men on the prowl going to girl parties hoping to get some play ... stop it. We're in our space to get AWAY from you. Our dating pool is small enough, don't go encroaching on our space like wypipo do to people of color. Accept that it's not always about you. Thanks! 

2) Being addressed as "sir"

 

Our masculine presenting women can attest to this, especially if you have a short haircut. But some people seem to do it knowing full well you're a woman. In their eyes you must want to be a man if you "dress like a man". If you want to gain someone's attention and aren't sure how to address them simply "excuse me" will do. No need for sir/miss/ma'am. Keep it simple then keep it pushing. 

 

3) Trying to Figure Out if She Likes Women

We like to think our "gaydar" is spot-on but some women slip under our radar and we've got to put the pieces together. Have you seen the episode of The L Word when Dana is trying to figure out if Laura is into women? She had her whole squad give her the litmus test to see if she was down. "Her nails. Are they long or short?" Seriously, we turn into Olivia Pope trying to figure that shit out.  

 

4) Turning a Guy Down

Now this is a shared experience for straight and queer women alike. It can be awkward (and sometimes scary) to turning a guy down. We've all been in a situation where a guy asks us if we "want to hang out sometime." The internal battle of "Do I tell him i'm into women" kicks in. We debate sharing this because it usually illicits an inappropriate response. They can take the defensive route: "Aw why? Who hurt you? Not all men are the same!"  They can take the savior route: "That's because you haven't been with ME yet!" Or they can take the sexual route: "Why bother with those toys when you can have the real thing?!" And now that straight women claim to be gay to get men to back up, they don't take us queer women seriously! So we usually have to resort to saying "I have a boyfriend." Amazing how the mention of another man can get even the scummiest of guys to back off. Men respect other men, even the non-existent ones. 

5) Trying to Play Along When Grandma Asks Where Your Boyfriend / Husband Is

This obviously doesn't apply to our sisters who are fully out and proud to the whole family, but for many of us the older generation can be tricky. You don't want to give granny a heart attack telling her why your dating Erica and not Eric. So you play along. *Fun fact* Your grandma probably already knows, she's just testing you to see how long it takes for you to say something. Grandma's can be petty AF! 

6) When Mom Asks About Your "Little Friend"

I don't know why but this is the passive aggressive things Black mom's say when they don't fully accept that you're with another woman. Reducing your boo down to being your "little friend" undermines your relationship and makes you feel like a kid. You can sit there and take it, or come up with a crafty clapback. *Just be careful cause those clapbacks can still get you popped.*

7) Being Questioned By People Who Just 'Don't Get It' 

Granted, you're not obligated to answer anyone's ignorant or insensitive questions, but sometimes we do feel pressure to do so because we wan't people to understand who we are. We can get a slew of questions like "so, who pays when you go out?" "how does your family feel about it?" "how do you two have sex?" or my favorite ... "so, who's the guy in the relationship?" We can usually tell who is asking these questions out of mere ignorance and who is asking to be rude about it. Either way, it's a personal decision on what we let people know. It isn't our job to convince people that we're "just like them," because at the end of the day, their going to believe what they want about us. All we can do is live our lives fearlessly and unapologetically. 

 

What are some of your awkward moments? Sound off in the comments below! 

 

 

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