Learning from 2018 and Building a Fulfilling 2019
2018 was one hell of a year across the board and may have tossed our emotions back and forth with the victories and losses. We cheered as India legalized gay marriage and marched as Trump tried to deny rights to transgender individuals. We fell in love with Drake again as he skyrocketed to the top of Apple music charts, laughed at all the Nicki vs Cardi B drama and continued to hail Bey and Jay as American royalty. Let’s not forget the daily dramas of our everyday lives; as social media made it seem as if everybody was eating kale, getting rid of toxic relationships and leveling up.
As we are just entering 2019, this is the best time for personal reflection and goal setting. Many people are putting into practice their resolutions or goals they would like to accomplish and taking inventory of the goals they had for the previous year.
I am thankful for 2018 and the lessons it taught me. 2018 taught me to be vibrant, live life on life’s terms and never stop trying. Going into 2018, I did not have any “proper” new years resolutions like: lose 10 pounds, buy a car or start a new business. Rather my goals focused on the intangible and more valuable spaces of life. All I wanted was to be happy, more confident and less anxious. I must say I have made loads of leeway in all of these things, but I can’t say they were achieved because there is never an end goal. I am awfully cognizant that these intangible gifts are increasing.
In celebrating my success with getting in touch with my intangible side of life, I can also admit that there were things I did not accomplish. I have yet to land a full-time career as a writer, I am forever trying to make my apartment look Pinterest-worthy and I’m still learning how to save money and not be so impulsive with it. I can one hundred percent say that I am totally fine with not getting everything I needed done for 2018.
Not getting everything done for 2018 taught me to decide between wants and needs. It has helped me answer personal questions about sacrifice and growth, ‘what am I willing to sacrifice in order to grow?’ I have learned that I am not willing to sacrifice my energy, for my energy is valuable and I must decide where I spend it. In deciding where I spend my energy I am learning to prioritize my tasks. Prioritizing has lead me to a greater focus and in turn, a greater focus helped me reap more rewards. Essentially I have learned how to set goals for the future.
When I couldn’t tick off all the boxes of things I wanted done by the end of 2018 it has not disheartened me— it has inspired me. I am inspired to take personal inventory. How have I evolved in the last year? Have my goals and focuses changed? Why? What things are immediate desires versus long term? Most importantly it helped me ask myself “Do I really want this?” Am I comfortable with saying “no I don’t really want or need this”? I am prompted to probe deeper into the why. Do I want to accomplish something because it looks good on paper to others? Do I have the energy and space to include this in my life?
I have discovered that not accomplishing goals has taught me to place a value on my goals. Once they have value it is easier to hone in on them by chipping away at them one by one each day. It’s like shooting a target with an arrow, if one goes in blindfolded they are shooting aimlessly and can hurt themselves in the process. Yet, if one goes in with a clear sight of the target and has the necessary tools, then the target is easily hit. I can confidently say that this year, less targets will be missed and I will be a goal crushing pro!
It is my sincerest belief that “No man is an island”. I have had incredible support from my long term partner, the Lesbionyx team, and my Instagram Comm-You-nity page. So I reached out to them on what they felt about their own personal resolutions, not accomplishing goals set in the beginning of the year and what they have learned. Their responses have been inspiring, uplifting and heart warming:
“Lessons learned?..Life is short! While at some level we know that, it doesn’t really sink in until we are faced abruptly with our own mortality or the mortality of those closest to us. Our time is best spent doing the things that allow us to truly live…too many of us are just existing…..and when death finds me, as it will us all, it will find me living.” (@rhymeswithkash)
“2018 taught me some lessons…Over time I’ve realized that I have made the mistake of putting others before myself. Going forward I want to free myself of the burdens of others. Self love is very important. So for the new year I’m taking time to reinvent the person I want to be. There will be no negotiating my non-negotiables.” (@ksolfulvibez)
“I have learned that my life is more valuable than I ever imagined. Not accomplishing some things has taught me that I am human!” (@bel_tifi83)
“I have accomplished some unintended things.  I didn’t intend to ‘come out’. Once I was able to have those real conversations with myself, and those in my life, inner healing began. This process has a ripple effect of improvements in my career, business and social life.” (@justdeulea)
“I haven’t regularly set new years resolutions so I didn’t have any for 2018. [That being said] 2018 was the most tumultuous and liberating year of my 33 years of life. As a result for 2019 I will be doing things that are healthy and healing for me. I’m committed to making active and specific healing plans. I am trying to love those who love me!” (@k_pmz)
“In 2018 I had ‘body goals’ that I didn’t succeed in and I’m still working towards them. I did have to start accepting myself more for how I am as a result of not instantly getting what I want! The things I didn’t finish has taught me to be humble and keep hustling!” (@Zaireknight)
“The most beautiful lesson is to be patient and know that it will all work out. Rome wasn’t built in a day.” (@kingcam_45)
So there you have it. Our queer community showed major resilience in 2018. Not allowing the political climate, personal defeats and trials throw us off our game. When we did stumble we always got back up. As individuals and a community we have learned to refine ourselves and our goals. We have all learned what we don’t want and won’t allow for 2019. The future is looking so bright we gonna all need shades! Here’s to a happy, healthy, prosperous 2019!
from Tyler with love.