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I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us! 

My Battle With Domestic Abuse

My Battle With Domestic Abuse

Contrary to popular belief, same-sex domestic abuse does happen and it is just as serious as heterosexual domestic abuse.

How can someone say they love a person and then mentally, emotionally, or physically abuse them? I dated a woman that told me it’s not considered abuse if two are women fighting. Crazy right?  She tried to make it seem as though fighting is the norm for lesbians. I was in an abusive relationship before (with a man) and I told her and myself that I wasn’t going to go through that ever again...but I did. I ignored the warning signs I noticed before we started dating. When we were just friends she would tell me things about other women but she’d get upset whenever I’d try to share my stories of other women with her. She was jealous and controlling but I still pursued a relationship with her. We lived in different states so it started off as a long distance relationship. After visiting a few times we decided that she should move in with me. Once she moved in and found a job, she wanted me to quit my job. I refused. I didn’t want to be fully dependent on her. I had my own mind and she didn’t like that.

ANYBODY can be a victim of domestic abuse regardless of their gender, age or gender expression
— supernovaproject.org

It didn’t stop there. She wanted to control how I dressed and didn’t want me hanging out with my friends. She would often call me “hardheaded.” Her mood changed frequently and she would start arguments over just about everything. I didn’t want to argue with her so I’d try to walk away from the situation. She felt it was okay to talk with her fists. I just tried to block her blows. I remember a time I was on my laptop and she was picking a fight with me. I don’t remember what set her off, but I remember her slamming my laptop to the floor and slapping me. I tried to leave the room but she pushed me to the floor on my way out.

Our relationship lasted eight months, I should have ended it much sooner. I thought I could get her to see the error in her ways and realize our relationship was toxic but in her mind it wasn’t abuse. So I ended it. I let her live in my house a few months after we broke up until she found her own place. Once she moved out, she called me to say she was thinking about killing herself and tried to run a guilt trip on me for not caring. She said our relationship wasn’t that bad and it’s not like she cheated on me. I blocked her number and wrote her out my life… or so I thought.

Time passed and she called me from a friend’s phone. She said she was sorry for what she did and wanted us to be friends. Her apology sounded sincere so I agreed. We started hanging out again and it seemed like we could really be friends until she put her hands on me again. She got angry because I told her I wasn’t going to have sex with her. She felt like she was entitled to my body since we were in a relationship before. When I told her no she punched me in my face. Things escalated from there. That night made me realize that she hadn’t changed at all and I felt stupid for believing she could.

Fast forward to today and I am in a healthy and happy relationship. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and I know that she truly accepts me the way that I am. I can talk to her about any and everything. This is the way love should be. 


All smiles with my girlfriend. photo credit:  Solstice Media Image  

All smiles with my girlfriend. photo credit: Solstice Media Image 

If you are in an abusive relationship contact the: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or 800 787-3224 (TDD) or text "DS" to 741-741

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