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I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us! 

10 Things We're Freeing Ourselves From in 2019

10 Things We're Freeing Ourselves From in 2019

Lead image via Ari Fitz

Here we are, just days away from ringing in 2019. As we reflect on the things we’ve achieved, lost, and learned— let’s grow. So before we countdown the big ball drop, here’s a countdown of 10 things we’re kissing goodbye in 2019.

10) Doing it for the ‘Gram

We live in a time where a good social media presence filled with views, likes and retweets makes us feel validated. There’s nothing wrong with taking a video or snapshot of a fun time out, but learn the balance. There’s so much more you miss out on when your fiddling with your phone trying to document the perfect moment. Spend more time living in the moment rather than trying to capture it.

9) Procrastination

Life can be stressful, and it seems when we have a lot on our plate “tomorrow” is our favorite day to get stuff done. Often times we have more than enough time to complete a task but we sabotage ourselves into thinking that means we can wait it out. I don’t need to tell you what happens when we leave things until the last minute. In 2019, start doing a bit of a task each day until it needs to be completed. Less stress.

8) Office Politics

The workplace (regardless of setting) can be a tricky space to navigate. Work is where we spend most of our time and forming friendships can make an otherwise annoying job more bearable. However, some alliances made at work can be a problem for other cliques at work. Tread lightly, stay away from gossip, and remember: your boss is not your buddy.

7) Cyber Stalking Your Ex

Keeping tabs on your ex is easier than ever thanks to social media. You’ve created new accounts when you get blocked and might even follow their new boo to compare posts. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself “Why am I doing this?” You can’t move forward if you keep reliving the past. Stop punishing yourself with their life updates and start living your own. Relationships don’t need closure—weaves do.

6) Missing Opportunities

I’m not talking about FOMO, or the fear of missing out on a night with friends or brunch. I mean life changing opportunities. Did you turn down a job offer in another state because you wanted to stay close to family? Not take that trip because your friends backed out? Turn down the school of your dreams because of your relationship? Those choices are never easy, but when you find yourself conflicted ask yourself: Am I okay with missing this opportunity for others comfort or convenience? Say yes more in 2019!

5) Physical Insecurities

We all have them. Most of us can rattle off a list of things we dislike about our physical appearance, while struggling to find the beauty. Some things can be changed. Whether it’s hitting the gym, changing our diets, trying a new hair style or surgery— do what you need to feel good. Just make sure you are doing so in a way that isn’t self destructive or to please others. Learn to accept the things you can’t change and work with what you’ve got.

4) Overindulgence

We all have a vice that we partake in— be it alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping addiction, sex addiction, you name it! Like most things, they are best in moderation (or avoided altogether). It can be hard to turn things around, if you don’t acknowledge the problem. In 2019, don’t just acknowledge your problem—get help. It’s time to take your life back and reclaim your time.

3) Security Blankets

Security blankets are anything or anyone you use as a crutch to make you feel safe or psychological comfort. It’s usually the familiarity of this thing or person that makes us feel secure in new situations. As comforting as it may be to have that one person you can always run back to when things get scary, it’s not healthy. In life we have to step out of our comfort zones to get to know ourselves and learn what we can accomplish on our own. Whether that’s letting go of a “good luck” charm or an ex you can’t stop hooking up with—stop stunting your growth in 2019 (and beyond)!

2) Toxic People

Did you know toxic was Oxford Dictionary’s 2018 “word of the year”? Toxic people are everywhere, but we tend to ignore those signs when it’s the people we care for. Take notice of folks in your circle who never seem to be happy for you, downplay your accomplishments or are abusive in any way. When you surround yourself with toxic people they will stunt your growth. In 2019, surround yourself with those who respect you, make positive moves, and clap for you the way you clap for them!

1) Ignoring Mental Health

We are only as healthy as our minds. A physically fit body doesn’t compensate for a unfit mind. It’s detrimental to our health to always put others needs before our own. In communities of color, mental health issues seem to be a taboo topic or something that we should “pray about”. While being faith based can definitely ease our minds, we have to do the labor to get our mental health in check. There is no shame in getting help by seeking therapy to talk things out. Here is a network of therapists of color in the U.S. who can help (and some of them offer a sliding scale to work with your budget). You can also try apps like Talk Space or Pride Therapy for a more convenient way to connect with a therapist. In 2019, let’s put our mental health first!

What are some things you’re leaving behind in 2018? Drop a comment below or join the discussion on our Instagram @lesbionyxblog!

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