The Lessons in 2017 that will Guide My 2018
Here we are at the start of a new year, when everything is fresh and recharged. Whether you think it's corny to reflect on the past, or foolish to set goals for the year ahead, it can really make a difference. While I've learned a lot about life (and myself) in 2017, there are three major lessons I took away.
What 2017 Taught Me:
1) Take Chances: It’s not easy to put ourselves out there and try something that we could fail at. I came up with the concept of Lesbionyx in June 2017. I created Lesbionyx as a space for queer women of color. I noticed many LGBTQ sources and content are white-centered and we are far underrepresented. I felt like we deserved more than a feature on spaces not made for us. While this is not the first site of its kind, I am proud to be a space for queer women of color to see themselves represented in a way that takes away the sense of “otherness”. The process for creating Lesbionyx seems daunting. Who will want to write for my site (as a volunteer)?! How will I get the word out? Which social media platforms should I use? Oh no! This writer is leaving, now what?! These were all things that I had to think about, but I managed to work through them. It can be easy to let what-ifs and setbacks make you want to throw in the towel, but if you want something badly enough you will work through any obstacles… and I am.
2) Learn When to Let Go: This was by far the hardest lesson I had to learn in 2017. As I shared in an earlier article I fell in love and got my heart broken. I met someone who made me feel a love I never experienced before. As all stories of love go, things were good… until they weren’t. She moved back to her hometown (across the country) to finish her last semester of undergrad. Shortly after I noticed a shift in her attitude towards me. She became emotionally distant, short, and cold. After an ugly confrontation she revealed that she still had feelings for an ex. Letting go of her was such a battle. We stopped talking for about 2 months before I reached out to her again. This time with the intention of building a friendship (something we had bypassed in the first place). I didn’t want her out of my life. Things were getting better over the course of a few weeks and plans to visit her in her hometown for Thanksgiving were back on. The day I was set to fly out, she told me it wasn’t a good idea to visit. Via text. I couldn’t believe that just like “that” I was disposable. The crazy thing is, I was going to reach out to her a third time, when I had to check myself. When am I going to respect myself enough to say “enough is enough?” When will I tell myself that I deserve better… and believe it? While, I can’t say I’m 100% over her, I can say it isn’t wise to force a relationship that just won’t work. I wish her well, but in 2018, I need to focus on myself.
3) Self-Love Is a Priority: In the words of Ru Paul “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?!” Preach it Ru. It may sound cliché, but self-love is the best love. If you are dealing with insecurities that you can’t seem to shake, it’s going to hold you back. I’m not just talking about physical insecurities, I’m talking about loving who you are on the inside as well. If I truly loved myself, I would not have put myself through so much unnecessary heart ache. A big quality of mine is I love too hard, and too fast. This could be my way of subconsciously trying to fill a void within myself that thinks I am not lovable (sick right?). To love ourselves, is to first know ourselves. This is a journey for me, and I will focus self-love before bringing anyone else along for the ride.
I think it is important to reflect on accomplishments (big or small) that we’ve made this past year.
Things I Accomplished in 2017:
1) Creating Lesbionyx (thank you for reading!)
2) Conquering my fear of driving on the freeways of Los Angeles (it's not as scary as I thought!)
3) I got A’s and B’s for the Fall semester (one more semester left!)
Now for the best part of ringing in the new year, let's set some #goals! These are mine.
Goals for 2018:
1) Get my bachelor’s degree!
2) Expand Lesbionyx
3) Start my career in my field of study
4) Take a vacation outside of the U.S.
5) Make lasting friendships
6) Build my confidence
7) Get my finances back on track
What lessons did 2017 teach you? What are your goals? Leave a comment below! Here’s to an amazing 2018!