Kehlani Reminds the Ignorant that Queer Women Can Procreate and Bi-Erasure is Real!
What’s understood shouldn’t need to be explained…yet here we are.
In the wake of Kehlani announcing she is expecting a baby girl, reactions have been mixed about her conception given her queer identity.
The majority of Kehlani’s Instagram comments were filled with excitement, praise, and well wishes. Yet, many reactions expressed confusion about the queer singer’s conception. “I thought she was lesbian” an Instagram user commented. “I know she’s bi, but I thought she was with a woman this season” added another. “I guess Syd is next huh” said another.
Kehlani took to Twitter to respond to the confusion: “Imagine thinking queer means lesbian and either means unable to have babies.”
“I was really lucky to find a partner who’s a bisexual male, and he really understands my queerness and my fluidity, and I really understand his, and we just really appreciate each other as human beings. It’s been really awesome to be understood.”
The father is Kehlani’s long-time friend 21-year-old Javaughn “Javie” Young-White. His bisexuality raised eyebrows for many people.
Later in the interview Minaj pointed out the double standard in the black community of assuming bisexual men are really gay, while women are believed. Kehlani had this to say:
“I think it’s not fair to apply any of these standards of sexuality onto gender… they’re not separate. You can’t apply it to a woman and not to a man and vice versa. If you’re gonna allow women to be explorative and free and identifying as one thing and accepting that and respecting that, then it’s not fair to not respect that if a man says the same thing. Everybody’s feelings are valid. Everybody’s choices of who they love are valid. Everybody’s sexual orientation is valid.”
She makes a valid point. How many times have we heard women say they could never be in a relationship with a bisexual male? Everyone is entitled to their preference, but why are bisexual men immediately written off as being gay? This thought exhibits bi-erasure, the thought that bisexuals simply do not exist.
Kehlani retweeted Young-White on Saturday who tweeted: “Y’all act clueless when queer people procreate because your limited understanding of queerness is strictly gay sex so anything outside of the conscious sexualization of queer people is a shell shock to y’all and it’s so ugly, every time.”
It should go without saying but, our sexual preferences do not determine our ability to reproduce. Being LGBTQ+ doesn’t mean children aren’t an option. Queer women have just as much choice in carrying their babies as heterosexual women. These reactions only confirm that sex-ed needs to be inclusive of the LGBTQ+ community. Clearly, many of you missed the bus.
Unfortunately, treating queer women or those who challenge gender roles like lepers is nothing new.
YouTuber Domo Wilson Tweeted: “Yal did the same sh*t to me when I was pregnant, difference is I had a sperm donor and she had sex. Doesn’t matter though. Just becus she dates girls doesn’t mean she can’t have children. Yal ignorant asf. Did yal know Bisexuality/Queer is a thing or naw? @kehlani I’m so happy 4 u”. Wilson, who is a masculine of center lesbian, also received heavy criticism and harassment during her pregnancy.
22-year-old model, Slick Woods, was met with the same energy of shock when she announced her pregnancy back in July. "Whattt? I thought she was lesbo" an Instagram user probed. To which Woods gathered quickly, "To think we live in a world where people still confuse sexuality with reproduction. Grow up."
Why is society this way? Pregnancy and parenthood does not have to be “traditional”. It can be two mothers, two fathers, a single mother, a single father, etc. Who are we to judge? If the child is raised with love, there should be no room for hate. As for Kehlani, she is choosing to live her best life on her own terms. Maybe the naysayers should do the same.