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Hey Girl Hey! 

I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us! 

 Let's Stay Together: New Year's Resolutions for Couples

Let's Stay Together: New Year's Resolutions for Couples

 Elixher.com

Elixher.com

Hey Y'all Hey! We all know what time it is: New Year, New You, New Me, New Us... right?!

Well y'all truth be told, I haven't made a New Year's resolution since Jesus was in swaddlers and I'm okay with that. I decided a while back to set some clear intentions and be deliberate and focused on seeing my work through to fruition. Some wonderful things have come from that decision, including writing for this blog. While I do not make New Year's Resolutions for myself these days, I value the significance of making resolutions and setting intentions and thought what better way to ring the New Year than with something new! Are you and your love ready to take the plunge and become accountability partners? Well here is a list of resolutions for you to keep together:

1. Exercise More:

 

 Ziggy and Tea Photo Cred: Yoli Baez

Ziggy and Tea Photo Cred: Yoli Baez

By exercise I mean have more sex! That's right you Sapphic Goddesses, you should be getting it on and on and on! Besides the pleasure derived from sexual intimacy, there are actually a myriad of health benefits from having safe sex including: 

  • It Counts As Exercise- Is this really a surprise considering some of the bedroom acrobatics that take place between lady lovers? Well, in case you weren't sure...Yes, sex actually burns calories- I mean don't skip that lifting session, but it will shave a off about 4 calories per minute and it will give your heart rate a boost.
  • Good for Your Heart Health- Yes, sex, sex it good for your heart so (redacted for decency) limerick aside, not only does sex boost your heart rate, but it can also lower blood pressure. Both the aerobic exercise aspect and that good ole boost of oxytocin from orgasming can help lower blood pressure.
  • Bonding- Want get closer to your love, what's closer than skin to skin? Bodily contact and the hormone oxytocin, commonly referred to as the "cuddle hormone", released during orgasm helps you and your lover to feel more connected, creating a deeper bond.
  • Boosts Your Immune System- That's right having sex actually helps your body create more antibodies to fight off bacteria, viruses, and germs.
  • Revs Up the Libido- Yep, if you do it more, you will want to do it more. That's a win-win baby!
  • Improves Women's Bladder Control- Orgasms are a workout for your pelvic floor muscles, those contractions help keep your pelvic floor strong.
  • Blocks Pain- Hit the sheets and not the medicine cabinet for relief, orgasms are also pain relievers. Hormones like dopamine, endorphins, and seratonin are released during orgasm and can help alleviate symptoms ranging from PMS to back pain.

sources:
webmd.com 

everydayhealth.com 

medicaldaily.com 

yourtango.com 

 

2. Lose weight!

 Meme by  Reyna Biddy

Meme by Reyna Biddy

 Losing weight and getting fit can be found in most top 10 New Year's and Broken New Year's resolutions. But this one isn't about dropping pounds on the scale. This is about leaving behind the excess baggage, that means anything that doesn't positively serve you in 2017. If people, places, things, and ideas do not align with and support your goals, desires, and lifestyle...LET THAT SHIT GO SIS! This a good exercise in support and accountability for you and your partner. Take some time to assess what is and is not working and come up with an action plan to change what no longer works, then do regular check-ins and hold up the mirror for one another, to see the growth and progress. It won't always be easy, but it will be worth it and you will shed so much more than what can be measured in sizes and numbers.

3. Learn a New Thing

 Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Learning tends to be easier and more fun when you have a study buddy. So grab your partner and sign up to learn a new language, join a book club, take a dance or cooking class, or start a garden. When you work together you can pool your knowledge, your resources and your skills to focus on where you can support and strengthen each other and increase your success rate. Plus, you can create friendly competitions and sexy incentives to keep each other motivated.

4. Cultivate Relationships with Your Friends

  Bloom   Photo Cred:  Joey Rosado

Bloom  Photo Cred:  Joey Rosado

Is there anything better than getting together with your good friends for a movie, a beach day, or brunch? Fostering and maturing your mutual friendships is beneficial to physical, mental/emotional health, and can be healthy for the overall health of your relationship. Having healthy friend relationships individually and as a couple can provide necessary support, objective insights, and some of the same health benefits as your partnership (you know minus the sex). Friendships can help enhance your mood, celebrate your victories and comfort you through your grief. An added benefit of friendships to relationships is that you and love allow space for others to come in share the support roles, lessening the likelihood of co-dependence.

 

5. Spend Time Alone

Between having more sex, supporting each other doing interpersonal work, sharing a hobby, and hanging out together with friends it may seem like you are doing a lot together and need some time apart and that would be accurate. There will be times when you cannot get enough of each other and times when all of that togetherness can quickly become overwhelming and feel suffocating. To keep things in balance, and extend that caking phase indefinitely, is important that you also spend time apart. Yes, loves sometimes absence really does make the heart grow fonder...especially if living, working, or playing together intersect. (For clarity this absence is deliberate and clearly communicated, anything else is ghosting and wholly unacceptable.)  As important as it is to spend time together (be intentional about creating couple time) it is equally imperative that you attend to your individual selves. Self-Care is a form of Self-Love and you gotta love and take care of yourself first to be any good to anybody else. You need time to replenish and recharge and so does your significant other, become a self-care couple. Make an agreement that honors both of your needs for peace and quiet and what that looks like. Have open and honest dialogue about the level of self-care your require and how often. Grant each other that space and time with no judgments, manipulations, or interruptions. You may even find that a mix of shared self-care (for example spa or mani-pedi days) and alone time feels good for you both. As I always recommend, be clean and clear in your communication. The important thing to remember here is that no one should sacrifice self-care or their personal needs for the relationship. 

Welcome to 2018 boos, baes, lovers and beloved! I hope this list is a helpful tool in getting your year off to a GREAT start. Remember love yourself, love each other, and and keep your love on top!

Malaika

 

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