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I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us! 

The Single Ladies Guide to Valentine's Day

The Single Ladies Guide to Valentine's Day

It’s Valentine’s Day… A.K.A. Single Awareness Day… A.K.A. “Just Another Day”… A.K.A. “A commercial holiday for businesses to serve their greedy capitalist needs.” All of which are correct. *sips tea* February 14th can be particularly triggering for us single folks, in the same way Thanksgiving/Christmas can be triggering for those not tight with their families. Holidays are meant to bring people together and celebrate, not feel divisive. So what’s a single gal to do?

By now you have probably picked out your finest of sweatpants an old T-shirt and have your watch list on Netflix ready to go. Add some sinfully sweet treats for good measure and it’s LIT! I see you sis.

But maybe this year you can try something different. You’ve got options, and none of them require a 90 minute wait to be seated and rushed once you get your table!

Host a Galentine's Night

Still from  'Insecure'

Still from 'Insecure'

Yes GAL-entines! Why didn’t I suggest this sooner? Asking friends days or weeks in advance risks the inevitable “I’ll let you know!” Nine times out of ten “I’ll let you know” becomes “something came up”. At least if you ask them today, you’ll get a direct answer and if they are single too, there’s a good chance they’ll say yes. I did you a solid. You’re welcome!

Galentine's doesn’t have to be wild like Girls Trip, but it can be just as fun with the right company and things to do. Some ideas:

-          Netflix & Chill… with a twist. Watch your top 2 or 3 favorite movies (comedies are best) and make cocktails. Spending the evening laughing with your squad is priceless. Just don’t go overboard on the alcohol, it’s a school night.  ;)

-          Make Vision Boards You can get your supplies like poster boards, scissors, and glue at the Dollar Store. Be sure to have a few magazines on hand and have your friends bring some too. You can even make vision boards themed around what you want in your next relationship. Setting your intentions around what you want will help it manifest.

-          Cook A Nice Dinner: Who says fancy dinners are limited to dining out? You can go about this three ways: 1) Cook dinner and invite your girls to join you 2) Have a pot-luck and have everyone bring a dish 3) Prepare dinner together. Whichever you choose it will be fun having a nice meal over a glass (or two) of wine with your girls.

Have a Self-Love Day

Kehlani in bathtub.  Photo via Pinterest

Kehlani in bathtub. Photo via Pinterest

No Galentine? No Problem! There is NOTHING wrong with being alone on V-Day! Being alone doesn’t always mean you’re lonely (Listen to ‘Confidently Lost’ by Sabrina Claudio). Today (and everyday) is what you make of it. Why not take today to give yourself some extra tender love and care? Some Ideas:

-          Pamper Yourself: Get a mani-pedi (or DIY because the nail salons are crazy today tbh), go shopping, draw yourself a nice warm bubble bath, get a massage, do yoga, hit the gym, do whatever it is that makes you feel good inside and out. 

-          Cook A Nice Dinner/Dessert: Yes, you can do this whether or not you have guests. A table for one on V-Day might seem lonely, but there are so many perks! 1) No need to worry about catering to others dietary restrictions or what someone else likes. 2) You can have seconds… or thirds, no judgement! 3) No need to dress up, come as you are!

-          Dig Deep and Let It Out: Write down a list of qualities and traits of your exes, then write down qualities you look for in a future mate. Do they coincide? Probably not. Looking at these lists side-by-side will give you a tangible sense of what you deserve vs. what you put up with. Don’t feel like getting that deep? Turn on some music that puts you in a good mood and dance! Seriously! When is the last time you let go of your inhibitions and just enjoyed yourself? Dancing is a therapeutic and healthy way to express yourself. So have fun damnit!

Put Yourself Out There  


Beyoncé partying. Photo via  Xclusive Touch

Beyoncé partying. Photo via Xclusive Touch

-          Meet Fellow Singles: Ready to mingle? What better day than Valentine’s to find other singles who are also ready to mingle? A lot of local bars, art galleries, cafes, etc. host singles events in your area. Meetup is a great place to check out the local scene. Whether you’re just looking to socialize with new people, a bae-for-a-day, or a future wife, a singles event is a great option!



Whatever you do this Valentine’s Day remember:

-          You is kind

-          You is smart

-          You is important

-          Chocolate goes on sale tomorrow!






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Choosing Me

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