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I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us! 

6 Ways You've Been Sabotaging Your Love Life (And How to Fix It)!

6 Ways You've Been Sabotaging Your Love Life (And How to Fix It)!

Living the single life (especially for longer than you’d like) can be a downer. Why can’t we seem to find the right person? While this list isn’t comprehensive, it could be a solid starting point discovering why you haven’t found a way to make things work.


1) You Are Too Picky:

To be fair, it’s important to know what you are looking for in a potential mate. Knowing what you will and won’t allow in your life is optimal for your well-being. But there might be things on your list that you could give some wiggle room. This is not to suggest you should settle. Never settle! But if you won’t consider a relationship with someone because they don’t make six-figures or because they prefer pineapples on pizza, you might have a hard time locking down a boo.

2) You Keep Carrying Old Baggage:

Let’s face it we’ve all got baggage. Past relationships can leave lasting impressions on us whether we like it or not. If you’ve been cheated on, you may be paranoid or angry if your partner goes somewhere without you (which isn’t healthy btw). Don’t make your current partner pay for your ex’s mistakes. Approach a new relationship with an open mind and a clean slate. Instead shift your mindset. Your past relationships taught you lessons. Thank u, next.

3) You’re a Serial Dater:  

A serial dater is someone who bounces from one relationship to the next with very little time in between. When you don’t give yourself time to breathe and reconnect with yourself, this is likely to result in fleeting relationships. Your craving for love, may be to blame for moving too fast (yes, even by U-Hauler’s standards). Rushed relationships can make you overlook incompatibility, but it always comes to surface. Thus, singlehood. Instead of racing to Tinder for your next flame, get to know yourself outside of a relationship. Self-discovery is necessary for your growth. Give your heart a break.

 4) You’re Jaded:

Your heart has been bruised and now you’re weary. “True love doesn’t exist!” “There is no one out there for me!” “They’re all the same!” Sound familiar? This thought process is a defense mechanism. You can’t get hurt, if you convince yourself that love isn’t real, right? Wrong! This form of self-sabotage shuts out your opportunity to find love. Of course, no one wants to get hurt, but you won’t find love if you close yourself off from the world and keep a negative mindset. Repeat this: True love does exist! There is someone out there for me! They’re not all the same!

5)  You Think You’ll Lose Your Independence:

You believe being in a relationship means you’ll no longer have a say. You don’t want to eat Chinese food when you were craving Italian. There’s good news for you. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you stop thinking for yourself. Be clear if you require time alone or out with friends. Speak up, if you don’t want them to order your food for you. Be clear what you expect from your relationship. By setting parameters and explaining your needs (sooner rather than later), there is nothing left to question. However, it’s worth noting that compromise is necessary for a healthy relationship since no two people are exactly alike. Once you accept this, you can open up to the possibility of finding the right mate.

6) You Don’t Make Yourself Available:

It is astounding how many people complain about being single but aren’t seeking anyone out. You must be willing to put yourself out there if you want to meet new people. This doesn’t mean you have to go out with the sole objective of finding a mate (that’s exhausting). Simply saying yes more to outings will increase your chance of crossing paths with someone you vibe with. Dating apps (even Instagram) are a good starting point to finding people you connect with. Just make sure to meet at some point. No one is interested in being pen pals.


None of this is to suggest that there is anything wrong with being single. You are not broken for not having a partner. Yet, if you find yourself feeling down or lonely, a little self-reflection can help unearth some internalized issues. Don’t close yourself off from love or sabotage potential relationships. Having an open mind, letting your guard down and putting yourself out there can put you in a better space to thrive in a relationship.

To Cuff or Not to Cuff: Is Cuffing Season is Right for You?

To Cuff or Not to Cuff: Is Cuffing Season is Right for You?