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Hey Girl Hey! 

I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us! 

5 Signs You Are Ready To Move On

1) You’re Having Fun Again

 

 Ambers Closet and Carter The Body at Krave. Photo Courtesy Autostraddle

Ambers Closet and Carter The Body at Krave. Photo Courtesy Autostraddle

It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself after a breakup. We can punish ourselves by staying in the house and flaking on plans to go out. You can go through a period of Netflix and feels, sleeping your life away and dodging invites like the plague. Been there. Eventually that got old once I realized I’m in my mid-twenties and have a life to live! I had to snap myself out of it and force myself to go out, until it became a normal way of life again. If you start feeling the need to go out more and reconnect with friends and family, that may be a sign of healing. So put your good shit on and have fun! 

 

2) Those Songs Don’t Remind You of Them Anymore

You know those songs that you made memories to and reminded you of them? Music can trigger memories (good and bad) and instantly put you back in that place. These are called “autobiographical memories.” The aftermath of a breakup can make you either torture yourself replaying these songs or avoiding them altogether. Once you hear those songs and don’t feel grief or pain, it’s because you’ve stopped associating the music with your ex. This can be subconscious or a conscious attempt on your part, usually accomplished with time. Imagine everyone twerking to Rake It Up, while you try not to be a buzzkill sulking because it reminds you of your ex. I’ve come a long way since August. Fuck it up, fuck it up!

 

3) You Are Finally Ready (and willing) to Purge

I’m talking clothes, gifts, photos, anything tangible that reminds you of them. It’s hard to move on when you have constant reminders of your ex in your space. I had some of my exes clothes in my closet that had been sitting in there for a few months. Along with a stuffed animal she won for me. And a shit ton of photos, cute screenshot texts, and videos of us on my phone. It wasn’t until very recently I really felt ready to let it all go. Clothes and that stuffed hippo were donated to my nearest Goodwill and photos, videos, and sacred screenshots were finally deleted. The relief I felt after releasing these things made me realize it was much needed. When you get to that point you’ll know you’re ready to move on.

 

4) You Are Focusing On Your Dreams

 Photo courtesy Pinterest 

Photo courtesy Pinterest 

As I mentioned before it can be hard to focus on your goals when love can be such a distraction. Even if you two encouraged each other to go for your dreams, separation anxiety can rear its ugly head. Lately, I find myself really buckling down and getting serious about my goals. I have developed tunnel vision, and gotten serious about my goals. My grades are high, Lesbionyx is growing, opportunities are presenting themselves to me… and I am able to give it all my undivided dedication. Once you find yourself in a boss mindset, you will realize it’s because you are choosing to put yourself first and make yourself happy.

 

5) You Know You Will Love Again… And Better

 Photo Courtesy Pinterest 

Photo Courtesy Pinterest 

After a breakup, it can be hard to believe that you will fall in love again, especially if things didn’t end on good terms. We can easily be convinced that we’ll be #ForeverAlone, but that’s not true (unless you want it to be, then go off sis!) While I am a strong believer in soulmates, I know that I obviously haven’t found mine yet…and that’s okay! While roughly 80% of my high school friends have tied the knot, I am not there yet. The fact is, we can’t rush love. We shouldn’t feel the need to follow a timeline of when we should find love. It will happen when it is supposed to. I have come to terms with this and I find comfort in knowing that the next woman I fall in love with will be even better for me than the last.  

 

 

How did you know you were ready to move on? Leave a comment below and share!

 

 

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