10690103_947661355278057_2968251565462780554_n.jpg

Hey Girl Hey! 

I'm Javonne Crumby, creator of Lesbionyx-- A space for queer women of color. As a Black woman who loves women, I grew tired of the lack of representation and resources for women like me. So I created a platform for us and by us, because no one tells our stories like us! 

Asking For A Friend: What Should I Get My HoliBae?

Asking For A Friend: What Should I Get My HoliBae?

Malaika, Help!

It’s almost Christmas and I have no idea what to get my bae! I’m not sure what is too much or too little, and when is it too soon to give certain gifts?

Clueless at Christmas



Hey Clueless,

For some of us, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year! Family, friends, drinks, good food and a bae. Yes, once we have made it through the major events, like family introductions, there is usually just one more anxiety inducing bridge to cross; what to get your boo for the holidays!

No worries, lovers, as your self appointed Fairy Gay Muva, I'm here to ease your apprehension and take the guess work out of Christmas Shopping. (Just in time for all of us last minute Christmas Shoppers).

 

 maxpixel

maxpixel

If you are thinking about gift giving or exchanging for Christmas, the first tip I have for taking the stress out of the process is TALK ABOUT IT! Yep, my favorite bit of advice, for just about every situation is talk about it. Clean and clear communication is the primary means of ensuring that you are in agreement. Start by asking how your love would like to handle gifting. Is there a budget? Would they prefer you donate to their favorite charity in lieu of gift-giving? Perhaps you indulge in opulent gifts, while they go for something minimal. If you truly want to facilitate this as seamlessly as possible, trust me have a conversation and come to a meeting of the minds. Yes, established couples, you too! Finances change, needs change, desires change, and plans change; what worked last year may not go over as well this year.

Now then:

  • DO NOT assume anything  (jussayin')
  • DO NOT give appliances (large or small), tools, or really any "practical" thing you have thought of unless she specifically asked for it. Then get the one she wanted, not the version you want to get.
  • DO NOT give her a prepackaged Bath, Body & Breakout giftsets! Seriously, they reek of both last ditch effort and way too strongly scented, unnatural combinations. Even if this is her jam, trust sis had done hella research to figure out what works for her and you don't want those kind of problems.
  • DO NOT  buy clothes, again, unless specifically asked and especially early on in the relationship where you may not be sure of her exact fit. As sexy as it may seem to buy lingerie, a sexy swimsuit, or some cute athletic gear, I say avoid it or at least tread very lightly. A wrong sized item can be offensive and/or triggering... i.e. "Wow, you thought I was a size ___. For real! Dammit!" Do yourself a favor and unless you've been taken to the store, to the rack and it's been put in your hands... don't do it!
  • DO NOT give cash or gift cards. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part this is too easy. This doesn't show a lot of effort or thought on your part. If you know enough to get a gift card to a place that you know your partner likes, take the initiative to also personally select a thoughtful gift or take her there yourself!


I recommend:

  • DO ask for clarity! Yes, ask all of the questions and get all of the answersassume nothing!
  • DO give her specifically what she asked for or be clear about your inability or willingness to do so. For example, if my love asked me to buy her the entire Trapped In The Closet Christmas Boxset, I would have to decline due to my feelings about it's creator (I think he's Predatory Trash) In the case that the gift desired does not align with your values or your pocket, I suggest that you offer a reasonable compromise that would satisfy her wants and allow to stay true to yourself.
  • DO give a carefully curated giftset composed of a few of their favorite things. A well planned out and handcrafted anything shows that you took your time and did something that was specifically for bae. Handwritten love letters, never go out of style. If you are a creative, why not produce a labor of love for your beloved or at least the person who you like-like enough to exchange gifts. Didn't mama always love your macaroni necklaces?
  • DO give well thought out accessories and jewelry. Is she into rose gold? Perhaps, a nice watch. A Rolex would be TOO MUCH and buying a watch from the same guy that sells socks in front of the corner store is TOO Little! Consider your budget and adjust accordingly. Maybe a nice cuff bracelet, earrings or necklace? And while I am a tried and true romantic, who believes in love at first sight this bears saying, DO NOT buy an engagement ring for Christmas if you haven't had a serious discussion about marriage, finances, children, religion etc.

 

Whatever you DO this season do it with your whole heart and the best intentions!

Love always wins.



 

 Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Have a question you'd like to ask Malaika? Ask here, its anonymous!

Asking For A Friend: What's Up With My Lady Space?

Asking For A Friend: What's Up With My Lady Space?

Asking For A Friend: Can Exes Still Be Friends?

Asking For A Friend: Can Exes Still Be Friends?